02 May 2005




They call it the "Quarter-life Crisis." It is when you stop going
along with the crowd and start realizing that there are many things
about yourself that you didn't know and may not like.

You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or
two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now.

You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those
friends that you thought you were so close to aren't exactly the
greatest people you have ever met, and the people you have lost touch
with are some of the most important ones.

What you don't recognize is that they are realizing that too, and
aren't really cold, catty, mean or insincere, but that they are as
confused as you.

You look at your job... and it is not even close to what you thought
you would be doing, or maybe you are looking for a job and realizing
that you are going to have to start at the bottom and that scares

Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and
find yourself judging more than usual because suddenly you realize
that you have certain boundaries in your life and are constantly
adding things to your list of what is acceptable and what isn't.

One minute, you are insecure and then the next, secure. You laugh and
cry with the greatest force of your life.

You feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly, change is the enemy
and you try and cling on to the past with dear life, but soon realize
that the past is drifting further and further away, and there is
nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward.

You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do
such damage to you. Or you lie in bed and wonder why you can't meet
anyone decent enough that you want to get to know better.

Or maybe you love someone but love someone else too and cannot figure
out why you are doing this because you know that you aren't a bad

One night stands and random hook ups start to look cheap. Getting
wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic. You go
through the same emotions and questions over and over, and talk with
your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make a

You worry about loans, money, the future and making a life for
yourself... and while winning the race would be great, right now
just like to be a contender!

May you have enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to
you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human, enough hope to make you

red--hmm... i feel a little bit like this.